My Life

Something is wrong. I can't explain the feeling but I know that something bad is happening. Is this what they call woman's instict?

He has been too possessive lately - the only change I'm certain of! He gets mad so easily, and dwells too much on petty stuffs. He's gone overboard and restricts me from connecting to a forum site where my passion, photography, is circulating. Could he just be jealous? Well, in my POV, he shouldn't be. We've been together for more than 5 years now, and up to now, I'm pretty much sure that I haven't done anything untrustworthy to him. I love him so dearly that I can't take seeing him hurt. Well, whatever it is, I just hope that it's not something heartbreaking! I don't know what my life will hold in the future if I lose him. He's my life right now, the only reason for my breathing!

That's the way he is.

He's not an ideal man I can call. He's typically short, not good looking and doesn't come from a well-off family. We became really good friends, lovers eventually. Since 5 years to date, we're going steady and counting the days until we cross another chapter. Looks and riches never really mattered to me in the first place. What I really liked from him was his depth understanding and patience, not to mention his good sense of humor. I accepted him for who he was. My friends and my parents also did. The relationship was good at first. It's more or less the same with how the rest of the relationship goes on in its early stage. We were so sweet then and seeing him everyday really made me feel like I'm in cloud 9.

Something unexpected came up. He was not a good person whom at first I thought he was. He is insensitive and unmindful of the things happening around him, especially with me. He's irresponsible, earning more credits than savings and not planning on what he really wants in the future. He is only serious on things that does not last in the passing of time. He is too much attached to his iPOD, motor bike, and Facebook. He is just a perky, jolly person who cares nothing but just purely FUN. The worst things is, when he gets mad, he'd call me names and yell at me like I'm his dog. It hurts but what prevailed more was my understanding with his personality. Little did I know, he is no longer the same person I first met. Well, I cannot really tell to him these things straight which is why I'm using this blog. I just hope that when he will stumble to this page one day, he would start to care much about what this blog is all about.

Wishlist

I was born lonely. My parents never brought me up with wonderful toys like Lego, Barbie, and other stuffs that every other kid would want to have. What I only have way back then were pen and a piece of paper. I was thought to write and read during those times when kids are having fun playing.

My mother would always say that one of the many ways to succeed is to get yourself out from the crowd. And it means that when others are doing something not relatively useful for self-improvement, means the best time for you to be productive. She was right. Her words are very much evident and profound to most of the successful people nowadays. And so I kept her words and believed in them.

When I have fully grown, I have set aside all the material stuffs in my head and focused on my direction. Luckily, I made everything right and had my parents so proud of me. Now that I've become successful in my chosen field, I realized that I've missed so many things in the passing of time. Although I didn't regret following my mom, at the back of my mind are so many childly things that I want to accomplish. I want to have fun, to travel and be in a place where everyone seems to be unconscious of the unlikely things happening around. I want to have all the gadgets in the world, iPad, iphone, a class-A dSLR camera, a luxury car, elegant dresses, and what not? I want a house and lot, (so weird to think of this investment at a young age of 22). I want to party all night and do some karaokes.

I want to do a lot of things and let loose. But when my mind is wandering to do all these stuffs, I've realized that I forgot to thank my parents for bringing up the person that I am right now. I can't be who I am without them, their kind words, selfless decisions and sacrifices, and hurting but useful reprimands. It wouldn't be me if I hadn't experienced my life with them. I can have all the gadgets in the world, all the partying and other crazy stuffs, but in the same way that my life and these tangible things are limited, so are theirs. So why not do a little bit of switching. Today is the perfect time to make it happen. So thinking about travelling is a way lot better if I'm travelling with them. Thinking about having a dSLR camera means capturing each savored moment with them. Dreaming of a car feels no good without them inside feeling all the comforts. Having a house and lot investment is useless if I'm not sharing it with them. Partying and karaokeing are more fun having them singing and dancing with me.

Now that I've made my ideals in life, the only thing that can stop me from doing this is TIME. Without enough of this, everything would be impossible. TIME is more important than anything else, so right now, I'm using this for the greater good.

Spell FAILURE

I failed. I know I could have done better.. but I refused to try harder.

When the position was filled out, I knew then that I was one of the potential people who can get the job done. Its narcissism, I know but hey, isnt’ it great to figure out yourself the things where you’re best at? And it’s not bragging - i’d rather call it positive evaluation to thyself.

Days passed by and I waited for the offer to come. Finally, it was on that rainy Wednesday when my manager surprised me with a quick note. He wanted to see me in the interview room for a short talk. Astonished as I was then, I didn’t know what to do but at the back of my mind were questions running around. Is this the one that I’ve been waiting for? Could this be it? Or should this be another surprise? To cut short the long story, I was already in the room shaking although eager to accept the offer. It felt so good to have been chosen among numerous people and I appreciate them for seeing me as someone who is a potential to the position. However, the catch was at the end - I was not the only one. I was told that we were three and that we all will go through an assessment stage with the next-level manager. I was reluctant then. In other words, I didn’t accept the offer. But despite my open refusal, my manager rather gave me enough time to decide. “Friday. Let me know what your decision’s gonna be.” Okay was the only word I uttered.

Time flew so fast. The assessment stage came, didn’t realizing that I already accepted the invitation. “How could this be? What have I done to myself? I should have said no in the first place?” At that moment, my mind was wandering and fighting against me. But I was already there and the least that I could do was to spare myself from shame and answer all questions that were thrown upon me.

I admit, I was not in my best when I was on that hot seat. I couldn’t answer all questions candidly and my voice was extremely shaking. I went out of knowledge and ran out of words like a 1-year old child does. It was a total mess, in other words. And the result can tell it, too. The only thing that is left with me after going through all those rumbling experiences was hope and it remains the only thing I am keeping until now.

Lesson learned: Never expect that things would turn out the way you expect them to be.